20,000 deaths.
012506
Nausea.
080609
The past is a landlord’s luxury.
Where shall I keep mine? You don’t put your past in your pocket; you have to have a house. I have only my body: a man entirely alone, with his lonely body, cannot indulge in memories; they pass through him. I should not complain: all I wanted was to be free.
Jean-Paul Sartre.
Central Neutral Grey.
072909
Thank you thrift store. I like my new pedal board.
Now, who wants to jam?
May the force be in you.
071709
So, I’m watching more movies now. Sue me. Insomnia has it’s benefits, I guess. But holy crap! This was fantastic. Watch it.
And people wonder why John Malkovich is so good. He made Con Air tolerable! C’mon!
Emotional Interrupt.
070809
I realize the things I say are hardly new. They’re more reenactments of earlier vague sentiments. Don’t pay attention to any of this. There is no meaning. Meaning is blurry, subjective, changing every day. It all depends on where you’re standing, where I’m standing. Altogether useless.
At any rate…
It’s a sort of paralysis I haven’t experienced in a while. (2004): pounding my fists against the steering wheel. The sky was dark and hazy and her door had been shut and locked for a few minutes. Those fucking shaky words, stupid hands. And yet, the feeling returned and movement spoke: an awkward stumble, and a whisper between mouths, a contradictory contortion I seem to have learned nothing from. The whole event makes me cringe.
But, now, I wonder.
Words can get clouded by mistaken sentiments, misread attitudes. Too often, contexts appear as apparitions. Are they real? The words that prop them up, what is behind them? It’s hard to say.
How can we be certain of the what is said, what is meant? Is it simply perception? Or confidence? What if confidence is misplaced? People lie to themselves every day. How does one sift out the lies from the reality?
These ghosts are close to driving me out of town. Maybe that’s a good thing. Well, breathe deep.
I have to apply first. It’s a shitload of money and my earlier performance might end up holding me back. I wonder how much money I can suck out of Uncle Sam’s teat. If he’s feeling generous, it may mean new studies, research, new people, new opportunities… and an excuse for that road-trip.
Let’s hope this paralysis doesn’t follow me along the way.
Time out of mind.
060609
New song.
http://www.myspace.com/kingearth
Attention and repetition.
052709
All too often, plans and pathways get clouded with various neuroses, distractions, irrationalities.
They’re hard to ignore. They lead to cognitions which color the sentiment and reinforce the distractions. It’s a sick sort of cyclical thought progression. Rational ideas blur and decay leaving context to fill in the gaps.
Context is more important than you think.
Thought changes and behavior shifts, despite initial intentions. One must remain vigilant, perhaps to an obsessive degree, in order to avoid repetition. Context, setting, scenery, they control us, dictate our actions.
Be wary, fight back.
Not your personal fantasy.
052709
What does Dante and Strom Thurmond have in common?
They were both puppets not too long ago. Damn. Dana Snyder does voices, too.
Watch where you look.
052009
So, we’re going to start some experiments using one of these dealies. But, imagine your standard lab goggles, two webcams (one of which is hacked to death), and plenty of duct tape.
That aside: surveillance, change detection, and color harmony. See you Tuesday.
